There’s Nothing to Say

I had a wonderful vacation. Seeing my friends is the second most important thing to me. As you know, my first is my family. At the top of my first are my kids. This past week has been really hard, but I know it is very important for Adam to see the kids.

Today, they leave Adam. They head back to me. I’m on a high and can’t wait to see them. On the flip side, I think (I don’t know) that Adam is probably having a hard time. While he doesn’t want to be a parent, I know he loves the kids. He enjoys being with them. He treasures his moments with them.

Usually, I would reach out. I would offer consolation. I can’t. If I did, he would say I was making a dig; or pointing out the negative; or accuse me of something else. He would lash out at me in anger. He would point the finger at me. As as result, I would turn on him and say something nasty and evil. The whole thing would explode.

Since I don’t have the energy to deal with being misunderstood, I’ll just keep quiet. I’ll write to you (my readers). I will ask for you to think about all the people you miss in your life. And today, I will ask for you to think of Adam and his loss.

Okay, before you all jump on me saying he deserves it because he chose this life, just remember that we have all made choices that create pain for ourselves and others. Do you regret your choice? Maybe yes…maybe no. But each of us made our choice and lived with the results. We live with the pain.

So today, there’s nothing to say. There’s nothing to say that will change anything. There’s nothing to say that will make this easier. There’s nothing to say that will make it all go away. There’s just nothing to say.

Guiding Card of the Day: Detox and cleanse – Maybe the Angels want me to detox my thoughts about Adam today. I’ll try and I hope all of you will try to detox your thoughts about someone.